


Enough

by titanjammies



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 1st person pov, Alcohol warning, Aromantic Character, Jean's POV, Nonbinary Character, Other, Queerplatonic Relationships, connie and sasha are both mentioned but aren't actually there, gross descriptions of some people making out, jean's aro like he doesn't label himself as aro but i wrote him that way, marco uses xe/xem/xyr pronouns, pda warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 18:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1788298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titanjammies/pseuds/titanjammies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I bought the tickets for Connie and me, but some really old Pizza Hut leftovers happened and now Connie is at home hanging out around the toilet bowl and I’m here with my not-exactly-datefriend trying to figure out how I feel about the idea of kissing Marco."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> this is really short whoops

You know the warm, fuzzy thing your stomach does when everything around you seems okay? The kind of feeling you get from being happy at 3 in the morning or when the singer at a concert hits that one part in that one song and you’ve waited the whole time for those two notes. I think that’s how I’m supposed to feel right now.

The blue stage lights are washing over the crowd, and people are shouting and and singing and spilling drinks on each other. A steady beat goes through the dirt and people’s feet and I should be having the time of my life right now, but something feels off.

Normally I’d have elbowed my way up to the front by now, but I’m standing near the back of the crowd, half-listening to the song and trying really hard to ignore the couple next to me (Are they kissing or trying to suffocate each other?). There’s a big dark X staring up at me, drawn onto the back of my hand in thick solid lines. Apparently the guy who put it there is really serious about making sure I don’t try to buy myself a beer or whatever. This thing’s not going anywhere for at least a few days. I gave up trying to get some of the ink off my hands a while ago, but I press my thumb into the mark out of habit. A drunk guy in front of me is trying to sway along to the music, bumping into a pair of short girls in flower crowns and nearly knocking them over. Marco went up to get a bottle of water a while ago, but I have no idea where xe is now. Maybe the line is just really long.

We’re supposed to be on a date. Not an Officially Dating sort of date, because we aren’t. Or not yet, I guess. It’s more of a “let’s try out this dating thing” kind of date. It didn’t really start out as anything. I bought the tickets for Connie and me, but some really old Pizza Hut leftovers happened and now Connie is at home hanging out around the toilet bowl and I’m here with my not-exactly-datefriend trying to figure out how I feel about the idea of kissing Marco. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure how I feel about kissing anyone. I definitely don’t like the idea of kissing someone the way these two next to me are doing it, and especially not in public, three feet away from random strangers. Shoving my tongue into someone’s windpipe just isn’t something I’m itching to experience.

The concert isn’t even half over, but I can’t help but wonder if I’m letting the tickets I paid for go to waste by not enjoying myself. Marco sure has been gone a while, I think to myself, even though xe really hasn’t been gone long at all. It’s almost totally dark now, but the fenced-in venue is glowing with blue stage lights, and the streets outside the gates are lined with streetlamps.  Before the opening act, the sky looked like it was ready to open up and pelt us all with rain, but now there’s only a few straggling clouds up there, barely visible against the darkening sky. The song ends and the crowd roars before a new one begins. This one is pounding and upbeat, so aggressively uplifting that it’s almost violent. It’s an older one from an album I only listened to half of, so I don’t know the lyrics, but it’s one of those songs that you feel compelled to sing along to. I distract myself for a second by trying to mouth along as best as I can. The lights are red now, and there’s a bit right before the chorus starts where they turn off and on to match up with the guitars. I close my eyes and still see the bright red flashes behind my eyelids. I make a mental note to listen to the rest of this album. I’m so caught up in the song that I don’t notice Marco struggling through the crowd until something cold taps the side of my head. I turn to see xem standing next to me, gently pressing a drippy water bottle that looks like it’s been dropped in the dirt against the spot right above my ear. Xe’s smiling at me apologetically. Xyr cheek is smudged with what looks like dirt.

“Sorry that took so long,” Xe says before unscrewing the cap and drinking some of the water.

“Did you fall or something?” I ask, motioning to the dirt on Marco’s face. Xe nods and hands me the water.

“Some drunk guy ran into me,” xe explains, frowning slightly before turning xyr attention to the stage and getting into the song. I guess this is where I should be taking notice of how nice xe looks or something, since we’re on a date and all. And yeah, I guess xe’s good looking, but the only thing I can think to take note of is that xe put eyeliner around xyr eyes and it looks cool. There’s no “wow Marco’s really hot” or “I want to kiss xem” moment like in the crappy indie movies Sasha made me suffer through hours of one Mountain Dew-fueled night last July. But Marco is smiling and singing along, and I get this weird, affectionate knot in my chest that has nothing to do with physical traits. The beat is picking up, buzzing around in my ribcage and building up to what must be the final chorus, and for a second there’s a ghost of that concert-induced fuzzy feeling as the whole band sings the final bit of the song together and the red lights start swirling.

The last note is played, giving way to shouts and howls as the lights shut off abruptly. The stage lights up again, and the lead guy says something about how this is their favorite city to play in, which he’s probably said about every city they play in. People cheer anyway because there’s something really satisfying about hearing a musician say the name of your hometown. He then tells us all what song they’re playing next, which I don’t hear because I’m too busy being really aware of my hand holding Marco’s. I sort of remember reaching over but I hadn’t realized I’d actually gone through with that. Xe looks at me like xe’s not entirely sure what we’re supposed to do next, because, horror of horrors, this song is soft and slow and both of us have shifted our gaze to the couple next to me who are… uh, taking advantage of the sudden mood shift. We lock eyes and come to a silent understanding.

“Do you wanna move farther back?” I ask, and then add, “It’s, uh… easier to hear each other.” Xe hasn't let go of my hand yet.

"Yeah. Yeah let's do that," xe says awkwardly, glancing past my head and then looking away from the public boob-squishing happening a few feet away. We're still holding hands, something in the back of my head whispers as I lead Marco to a reasonably empty patch. Xyr hand is a little bigger than mine, with dark forest green nail polish, and I note that the X on xyr skin is a small, hastily drawn scribble. My sweatshirt sleeve makes its way up from its usual spot over my hand but fixing that would mean letting go so I try to ignore it. We sit down on the ground, looking at everything except each other. I want the song to change. I want to not think about this kind of thing, because I love Marco but this doesn't feel right.

The band gets to the second chorus of the song, and that's when I look at Marco, who's been looking at me for longer than I thought. We aren't holding hands anymore. Xe leans in closer to me, looking like someone who's about to take a test they didn't study for, which freaks me out a little because that's not the look people usually have when they're about to kiss someone. Or at least I'm pretty sure that's what Marco is trying to do, considering there's about three inches between our faces. I lean in and I'm about to close the gap, but I feel conflicted. I pause and sit there, staring straight ahead. I realize that I don't want this. I don't want to kiss Marco like this or pretend I like doing the romance thing with xem. And here we are almost kissing. My timing is pretty spectacular, yeah?

I pull my head back at the very last second, pushing on Marco's shoulder. Xe blinks at me, looking wide-eyed but (thank god) not offended or hurt.

"Can we not do that?" I blurt out, sounding way angrier than I want to. The song is ending and a melancholy cover of some song I've never heard before takes its place. Marco's expression softens into something I can't read.

"We don't have to." Xe says, "If it freaks you out or something... I should have asked."

"Yeah." I say flatly before I can stop myself. Xe just nods in agreement and apologizes. I pull my knees to my chest , rest my chin behind crossed arms, and stare straight ahead. This isn't how I pictured the night going, but I don't regret not kissing Marco. I'd rather be honest and deal with whatever tension I cause than lie to xem and to myself about what I want.

"I'm sorry," Marco says again, "I really shou-"

"You don't need to say it again. I thought it was what I wanted too," I grumble into my sweatshirt sleeves. "But at the last second I realized I didn't. I love you a lot but I'm glad I didn't kiss you. Maybe that's weird. I just don't know what I feel right now."

Marco sighs and looks out at the swaying mass of people in front of us, watching everyone move together.

"There's nothing wrong with that," xe tells me. For a while neither of us says anything; we just listen to the song together on the ground. I pick and a scabbed-over papercut on my palm and Marco finishes off the last of the water bottle. We've been friends for a long time, and I like the way we are, but I wouldn't mind holding xyr hand again. Someone on the internet probably has a word for that kind of thing.

"Why do you like concerts so much?" Marco breaks the silence, "I mean I get the music thing, but how do you of all people manage to put up with all the loud drunk people?" I know xe's probably trying to change the subject, but it's so out of nowhere that all I can think to do is laugh.

"That's actually a really good question," I say, "I don't know. Maybe it's because I like the music part enough that the people don't bother me." I think of that couple from earlier.

"Okay, most of the people. Like, as long as they're not being assholes or, you know, licking other people's tongues."

"Do us all a favor and never use that phrase ever again," Marco grins.

"Yeah I didn't really think that through before I said it," I laugh. The band starts playing their last song, and for a second I'm lost in it. It's the kind of song you see live and then never really get into when you listen to the recording of it. I pull my sleeves down farther over my hands and shuffle so that I'm a little bit closer to Marco.

"So we're okay, then?" I ask.

"We're okay."

The knot in my chest is back, and I'm finally feeling the way concerts are supposed to make people feel. The song is loud and uplifting and everyone seems to know the lyrics because the whole crowd is singing along, and it's beautiful even though everyone kind of sounds like shit except for the actual band. Marco is smiling at me. I smile back and use my sleeve to get the dirt that's still there from earlier off xyr cheek. We're okay.

"Is this alright?" xe asks, brushing xyr fingers across mine. I nod and let xem take my hand. This isn't what I thought I wanted, but I like this better. This is enough.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked reading this as much as I liked writing it!! Aro spectrum jean and nb marco are really important to me and I've wanted to do something like this for a really long time now because as fun as WMTC is to write, there's not as much room in the WMTC-verse to explore this kind of thing.
> 
> the concert venue is based on this one place in KC where I saw Vampire Weekend a couple weeks ago so yeah.
> 
> Also i'm totally gonna pull an I Am The Messenger here and say that the band and songs described aren't important and just imagine whatever you want. (of course i am the messenger probably had some deep reasoning behind that bit whereas im just too lazy to think of what band it might be)


End file.
